i should be reading. in more ways than one.

so i was checking up on peoples blogs, to see if any updates have occurred (cause i pretend i have nothing to do.) i was looking at jareds and saw that he had a link to his livejournal, so i started looking at that. scrolling down i saw this book survey thing he did and that he had tagged me as one of the people to do it. so i was like hey hey, thats cool, i'll do it. and so, well, here it is...

1. Total number of books owned: as in novels? between 15 and 20. a few bibles. i just started getting into extracurricular reading and now that i'm at school i'm stuck reading textbooks all the time. plus, most of the books i read i get from the library cause i cant really afford to get all the books i really want. i have about 10 textbooks as well.

2. What was the last book you bought? i had to buy toni morrison's the bluest eye for my english class this semester. but for my own reading pleasure, i got the 5th harry potter about a month ago.

3. Last book I read: And actually finished? harry potter number 6. working on cold mountain now.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me: i dont think i have five. again, i dont read books a lot. i read about photosynthesis. but one is the bell jar by sylvia plath. another is death be not proud (by i cant remember.) its been a long time since i read it, but i remember it having this profound effect on my life in the 9th grade. things could have changed though (haha.) of course, the bible. i like what i've read by kurt vonnegut. i remember being fascinated by brave new world (aldous huxley) and 1984 (george orwell) in high school. yeah, thats a pretty sad list. i'm much more about music. ask me about my cd collection:)

5. Tag five people and have them do this on their blog. Okay, if they ever read this and decide to take me up on it: i would be interested in ria's answer, but i doubt she'd ever see this.

everybody meet franklin!

just a few apartment images for your viewing pleasure.

the end of life as we know it. or maybe i just know it.

i keep thinking that there is no way i'll be able to survive what lies ahead this semester. theres just no way i can accomplish everything and still keep my head above water (and a good ole gpa of 2.5) but then i remind myself that i kinda have to. that it gradually will only get worse as the semesters go by. so to feel overloaded and bummed now - on the second day - is both stupid and ridiculous. i will survive.

so my schedule is as follows if you wanna find me...

MWF history 101 9-9:50
organic chemistry 10-10:50
english 200 11-11:50

M anatomy lab 2-4:50

W biology departmental seminar 4-4:50

TR genetics 8-9:15
anatomy 9:30-10:45

R organic chemistry lab 2-4:50

T and W night - working

well thats it. also check out pictures of the apartment on my picture website.

its late. but for some reason,
i have this desperate urge to pack. or clean.
like i absolutely cant wait to get out of here.
but i know whats looming around the corner.
no, that thrill and excitement wont fool me this time.

i'll swing from a streetlight. as i sing oh, oh, oh.

there was a stereotypical moon in the sky tonight
and heat lightning in the clouds.
made for an entertaining drive home.
with a spectacle like that,
how could we all turn away?

and in the pulse there lies conviction. a steady push and pull routine.

so i know i've already posted this evening
but i discovered this song
by maria taylor, who was a part of the duo azure ray.
its called song beneath the song. i absolutely love it!
her voice is so...mature, soft but strong. gives me goosebumps.
anyways, i was listening to this song
doodling or whatever else
and suddenly it seemed like the song really meant something to me
it felt like this perfect song,
that if i was the star of a tv show, it would be on the soundtrack.
and theyd play it in the background while i was
walking down a city street
contemplating all the drama in my life,
or while i was hanging out with friends, laughing and drinking coffee.
all the other noise would fade
and only the song would left
so this group of girls watching the show could look it up and buy the cd.
listen to the song, you'll understand what i mean.
or maybe i really do make no sense.
either way...
http://www.groundcontroltouring.com/artists/mariataylor/

whats the word thats burning in your heart?

so i know i have been all about the quotes in my latest blogs
but i revisited this movie
and simply fell in love all over again

memorable quotes include...
"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

"You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good. "

"This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing."

"If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like. "

"How's you head?
I shall live through the day.
Cool."

if you havent seen it. rent and enjoy my friends.

remind me not to ever think of you again.

i started listening to taking back sunday again.
i'm not sure if its such a good idea.

shine on me baby. cause its raining in my heart.

did you know how you would move me?
did you know?
well, i dont really think so.
but the night came down and swept us away.
and its so close but we're so far away.
its so close but we're so far away.

with a lifted face, i feel as if i could take you in Lord! and i breathe deeply.

so its been quite a while since i've really updated on how i am and how my summer is going. i've been waiting for a good time where i could really sit down and express all the random thoughts i've been thinking lately, but things have been surprisingly busy. surprisingly because its summer time. and i find that i hardly have a free night or a free afternoon to do anything anymore. and i had so many summer plans for myself. oh well.

so much has happened. again, not really in my life. mostly in my mind. these past couple of weeks have brought so many discoveries and revelations. i've read things and thought about them. heard things and thought about them. felt down and sad by things, thought about them, and cried. i'm not sad. just thinking too much.

i've been reading some really cool scripture. verses that are so plain and simple but sooooo cool. i mean, i know there are so many translations and most of the time they are used to help us understand it all better, but the simple language makes me think a lot. which i guess is the point. last thursday me and jake and kim went to rock hill for house church. yep, we traveled a total of almost 5 hours to spend 5 hours with some of the most awesome people ever. we read through jeremiah 31, which i'll discuss in a moment. then we worshiped and sang and hung out and had coffee. in the middle of worship, with people scattered, i smiled so big. i was so amazed that i could be so blessed to be surrounded by such love. from the people, from the Lord, everywhere. but shortly after, i was again sad and bitter because i knew i would leave soon and i wouldnt see them for another month. the trip was bittersweet but more than worth it. so anyways...jeremiah 31. we read through each verse. talked about the prophecies and the meanings. going back to the cool and simple language of the verses, there were two that really stuck out to me. verses that just hit me. one was jer 31: 21. it says "set up road signs; put up guideposts. take note of the highway, the road that you take." i love it. its just so plain and simple but it means so much. we talked about how you should set up not one but several markers to guide your way home. to find your way back to the Lord. but then someone brought up the point that everyone should know their way home, right? but whats cool is that the markers that we set up to help ourselves can also help so many others. those same markers made by our hands or thoughts or actions can guide others home as well. the second verse was more confusing. jer 31: 29-30 says "in those days people will no longer say, 'the fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the childrens's teeth are set on edge.' instead, everyone will die for his own sin; whoever eats sour grapes - his own teeth will be set on edge." another translation says that the children's mouths will pucker. i thought the language of this verse was so cool, but i totally didnt understand any of it. so i asked. the group said that it referred to the original sin. because of the parent's sad deed, the children felt and "tasted" the after effects. it was passed on. and verse 30 says that now things are different. now all are held personally accountable for their own sin. so yeah, those are only two cool things from that night. they were so many more, but you know...i only have so much space on this thing:)

i've been thinking of the word sanctuary. when i went to salkehatchie a couple of weeks ago, there was this speaker from columbia that came and spoke to the camp one night. this guy is setting up a new church in columbia and he said that every week the people from the church show a movie in a local park and serve free drinks and such just to reach out to the community, get to know people. one week they showed lemony snicket's a series of unforunate events. the guy talked about the movie, how after all the crappy stuff stuff that happened to these three kids, they still had hope in the end that things would get better. i had wanted to see the movie. however, i had also heard that there were snakes in the movie and i dont get along well with snakes. for those of you that dont know me well, snakes are my biggest phobia, and i cant even stand to watch them on tv. so i was a bit hesitant to rent the flick. but slowly i convinced myself that it must be good and i decided to go ahead and get it. so i watched it (the snake part wasnt that bad actually.) but the thing that i got from it, the part that stuck out to me most wasnt the part about hope. in the middle of the movie, the kids found themselves in a horrible situation in a horrible house with a horrible guardian and still they managed to spend time together and be a family in the attic under and small tent. during this part the narrator said "sanctuary - a small safe place in a troubling world. like an oasis in a vast desert. or an island in a stormy sea." for the little ones, that tent in that dirty attic was their sanctuary. i loved the defintion and immediately wrote it down. i just started thinking. so many people look at the word sanctuary and they think of a building. myself included. they close their eyes and see benches and walls and stained glass and Bibles and an altar. a church. a structure. but the definition used in this movie said so much more. a sanctuary can be like a persons home. and though i live here, the more that i'm at school, the more i'm starting to consider my friends to be my "home." that group of amazing people that i eat with and spend time with and have house church with are my sanctuary. and more importantly, Jesus is our ultimate sanctuary. He is our safe place in a troubling world. He's willing to quench us when we are thirsty and protect us from the wind and rain when it storms. it just blows me away.

so thinking about my friends as my sanctuary made me consider something else. something i thought about tonight, and something that prompted me to start this neverending blog entry. ever since last semester i've felt a certain way about them, my close friends at school, and its sort of continued this summer. this is not talking bad, saying they dont care about me. i'm sure most of what i think about their part is made up in my head. the devil trying to make me feel sad or bitter or unworthy or low. and thats just not acceptable, i know. but some feelings are hard to overcome. and i'm also not saying that they dont mean the world to me. i care about them and feel so blessed to be apart of their lives, their stories (even if just a small chapter.) but i cant help but feeling a certain way sometimes. last semester, me and a friend confided in each other and expressed our feelings about how we think some of the people in the group view us. we both just agreed that we think everyone in the group sees us as the jokers. the ones that are kind but still sarcastic. sometimes i think they dont take me seriously, that i'm almost not spiritual enough. that unlike others, they cant confide in me and talk to me and spend separate time with me in order to share with me their struggles and concerns and praises, etc. i often feel that they spend so much time with others and work so hard at their other friendships, that at the end of the day, our friendships seem the weakest and most unreal. and i think the reason for this is my fault. i dont share. i dont confide. i never have. at the annex last night the speaker talked about lifters vs leaners. well i dont really know if i'm a lifter or not ( i hope i am) but i know that i've always been scared about becoming a leaner. if i just started pouring out my soul, crying, sharing, and telling all my secrets i would feel the like the most ridiculous person ever. no one wants to hear about my problems. i dont even have any interesting problems! and i think with me being this way, being scared to open up to even my closest friends, limits me in a big way. cause if i dont talk to them, what makes them think that i care enough for them to be able to talk to me. so for next year, i just pray that God will open me up like crazy! that He'll break down this walls that i've spent years building up so that people can open up to me and so our friendships will grow wicked strong! yay! haha

i have more thoughts, like on worship and such, but seeing as how its really late and this blog is already insanely long...til next time kids.

also, i'm working on some stories like jake and rique in hopes of jake letting me contribute to that new idea/anthology like thing that he's working on. wish me luck and inspiration.

currently:
reading 1 minute bible 4 students (a book i got from salkehatchie) and bagombo snuff box; waiting on my reserved copy of harry potter year 5 to come into the library so i can start reading that; listening to david gray's "say hello wave goodbye" for the third time already; feeling happy about good news but also starting to believe that rubber bands were once used as a medieval torture device, and their purpose hasnt really changed that much in all this time. goodnight.

i will not be silent no
i will not be quiet anymore

and through salty tears,
with a face pointed upward,
all she could do was smile.
the LORD always delivers.

america...yeah!

well hello kids...

today is the fourth. my family and i attempted to see fireworks put on by the great town of summerville. unfortunately that didnt work out to well. by the time we actually found a place to park without the fear of being towed or attacked by rioters, the only fireworks we could see were a few spurts of color behind a house and several trees. and by then my mom was about to go crazy. an all around good time had by all. i love the holidays.

i got back from salkehatchie on saturday. i had a blast of a time. i mean, i normally look forward to it and the general experience is enough to make me happy, but this year was special cause i really havent been able to talk to or hang out my youth group in quite a long time. i still go to my church but i havent exactly been a part of the youth in quite a while. i just dont really feel a part of the group like i use to somewhat feel before. but this week was wonderful. we had a really good time together - laughing, singing, dancing, working, and playing foosball. i was on the site of mr. james bacote and his daughter. most of the work was inside. its my fourth summer doing salkehatchie and in the past years i've always worked on a roof. at the end of the week there was this one final result that showed our work and generally we were the only ones that noticed. but this year was extremely different. almost everything was done on the inside except the front porch and a new pump house outside, and every room looked completely different in the end. the entire house was painted inside and out. the bathroom was fixed. new sheet rock was put up. new kitchen cabinets were put in. the water was fixed and turned on. curtains were put up. new couches and carpet were donated and brought in. it was absolutely amazing. i was in awe at the end of the week. me and my good friend allyson were on the same site together. it was really nice to spend time with her this week. she's gonna be a freshmen at usc next year and i could tell shes really excited. after two years of school, i can say i know what that felt like and i made it through. i know she'll be fine. we met some really cool new people too. almost the entire camp was younger than me, but by the end of the week i'd actually grown attached to a couple of them. michael and adam were among my favorites. those two cracked me up and i really hope i can continue to keep in touch with them, rather than just maybe getting to see them next year if i go back.

anyways, check out my pictures. i had to make a second pic site cause the first filled up. so the second one is
http://community.webshots.com/user/serenacorine2
and the original site is the related link on the right. enjoy friends.

currently:
trying to catch up on physics,
watching the oc (i'm revisiting the classic,)
thinking about making some tea,
and wishing i could read harry potter
instead of doing homework (story of my life.)

p.s. to all my good salkehatchie friends...
all i have to say is "matt damon!" hahaha

the fourth.

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear rique
happy birthday to you!!

oh yeah, same to america too.

rewind.

in regards to a previous post of mine,
the one about my top ten favorite songs of all time
in true high fidelity style...
i have a slight change to make.
not sure where it would appear in the list
but i have to add the song that goes
a little something like this...

i would walk 500 miles
and i would walk 500 more
just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles
to fall down at your door
dada da dada da
dadadadada
dada da dada da
dadadadada

it makes me think of beautiful ria in india
and how much i miss her
as well as all my other rock hilll friends
and how excited i am about next year
and how much i wanna go back to school
and then i stop thinking cause the sadness is too great.
i also think about how i'd really like to watch benny joon
i mean, when johnny makes the bread dance...
there is simply nothing better.

an update about salkehatchie 2005 will be posted soon.
stay tune.

everything was beautiful. nothing hurt.

i buried oz today.
outside under the small pear tree in the backyard.
i had noticed he wasnt swimming.
actually he hadnt been normal for a while.
being at home i put the tank in the kitchen.
being busy i neglected him.
i guess he had been dead for a while.
attached to the bottom of the filter
like it was sucking him in.
he was so tiny.
parts of him fading away and dark eyes.
he was a good fish, a kind pet.
i just regret that i forgot about him.
he hung in with me for two years though,
ever since i moved away to college.
at times he was my closest companion.
to me, that definitely counts for something.

maybe i'll get a pet turtle for next year.
and name him franklin.

and rob says "you love, love, love and then you die"

and mike, i'll teach you how to swim
if you turn the bad in me into good again.

i went to barnes and noble today, mostly in hopes i teaching myself some physics and getting some homework done. i've grown so tired of sitting in this house, struggling to understand, so i figured i would pick a different location in which to suffer miserably. (slightly joking...its getting a little bit better.) i had a thin t-shirt on, and large bookstores like to freeze people, so i sat in a big chair by the window in order to get some sun. things were nice. i was reading, concentrating. and then this man sits down in the chair next to me. at first there was no problem. he was quiet. not reading or looking at anything in particular, just sitting there. and then it started. snoring. i managed to look over between words and there he was, sprawled out taking his afternoon nap, sounding like a freight train roaring through the greeting card section. i looked up to see if the guy sitting nearby noticed how annoying his snoring was becoming, but of course the noise had no effect on him. so after a few minutes of no work done, i got up and moved to the cafe section (very chilly i might add.) and then i got a tazo brambleberry tea drink (tasty) and a shortbread cookie. life soon got better.

other than class and work, i've havent done much. trust me, those two with a little relaxing here and there, doesnt leave much time for anything else. however, i am trying to see old friends. i leave for salkehatchie on saturday. i'm really excited. only a little dreading the exhaustion that will come from it, but when i'm there it never feels like work, so still excited. salkehatchie is like the habitat for humanity for the united methodist church and its all over SC. this summer me and four others from my youth group are going to darlington for the first time. hopefully i'll get on a roofing site cause it the only thing i really know how to do, but i'd also like to pick up some other skills this summer. pray for our safety and that we all really get to connect with our house families. i'll be sure to post pictures once i return.

currently:
listening to brand new cds i recently purchased...rilo kiley=more adventrous, coldplay=x&Y, and mae=the everglow. also, did i mention i got a coldplay ticket for september in charlotte!!;
reading kurt vonnegut's God bless you, dr. kevorkian and the fourth harry potter: the goblet of fire (just started that one...almost 800 pages long!)...yep i have read 3 harry potter books in one month, they are addicting;
feeling tired and anxious but hanging in there.

p.s. if anyone is interested in seeing green day and jimmy eat world with me 8/24 in raleigh, please comment.

felicity.

"i just cant compromise myself like that.
i mean, i'm an emotional person.
i feel things and i need to be able to get upset
and to talk about how i'm feeling.
i mean, thats who i am.
i cant change it.
i dont want to.
and the thing is you knew that.
you knew it and you still pursued me
because you want something with me.
you're just not strong enough to have it
which in a way, makes you a coward.
and the saddest part is that
one day you're gonna wake up,
you're gonna realize what you missed
and its gonna be too late."

it just hit me...i dont think i'll ever see pierre again.
and i didnt even get to say goodbye.