sunshine...been keeping me up for days.

last night i took my mom to the emergency room.
she came around the corner, looked at me crying,
and said "i dont think i can take it anymore."
an amazing state of calmness and control took over me.
sure, i didnt think she was going to die.
i, in no way, feared her life. just to see her pain was enough.
but i knew exactly what to do. i grabbed her stuff
and in five minutes we were on our way to trident.
i began praying in the car. just for her release.
Healer, comfort her, take away her pain.
my mom is never sick. i've never seen her go to the doctor
let alone the er, but the hanging onto the wall for support,
the gasping breaths, was a real eye-opener.
i realized, as depressing as this sounds, that its only the beginning.
i certainly pray for her long life. for her safety until a very old age.
i want nothing more than to see my mom as a geri grandma.
ok, so maybe that came out wrong,
but its still the truth. and as hard as it is to grasp,
despite that tiny detail that i've been her responsibility
for the last 19 years, shes also my responsiblity.
now, and even more so 30 years from now.


on a completely different and slightly random note...
in the true style of high fidelity,
i've made a list of my top 10 favorite songs of all time.
i know you dont care, whoever you are,
but for me, its a very big deal to be able to narrow it down to only 10.
so here goes...

1. black water=the doobie brothers
2. hello, goodbye=the beatles
3. in the end=greenday
4. me and julio down by the schoolyard=simon and garfunkel
5. send me on my way=rusted root
6. wish you were here=pink floyd
7. i didnt understand=elliot smith
8. ender will save us all=dashboard confessional
9. ocean breathes salty=modest mouse
10. jefferson, aero plane=relient k

everythings not lost=coldplay and
motorcycle drive-by=third eye blind
are definite wannabes, but no cigar.

p.s. i miss rock hill desperately.