another one of those...

i really hate the way i am sometimes. how emotional and bitter i can get about things. how those feelings completely change my actions towards people and how they inevitably cause me to treat people like crap when all i wanna do is be cool and hang out with them. this week had to be the roughest week of college so far. by far. i certainly had a few emotional breakdowns mixed with panic attacks this week (one of which was at home - yes i went home this week - so that was bad because its impossible to hold anything back with my mom and so good because the way she understands and makes everything better is truly amazing) and i know i certainly have no right to complain because i did make it through perfectly fine. everything got done and tests were passed (as far as i know) so nothing to worry about now. the burden has been lifted. but during...man, that was hard. and i just wanted to apologize to people, generally, for being a jerk, cause i dont have the guts to say it to their faces. to apologize for being hateful and rude and bitter. i hope all of you know me well enough to know that i dont mean it and i really love you.

i also love fall out boy and the way it makes me feel when i dance and sing to it. the definitely contributed to my second wind last night. yeah man. and those organic reactions on my room mirrors are killer. i cant really even see myself for all the Cs and Hs and little dots and arrows. i'm such a nerd. the room is still messy and i bought pumpkins to carve so those things will be taken care of this weekend. besides a flea market trip and a hair cut thats about it for my fall break. i'm gonna love every lazy second.

p.s. how is it possible that fall gets better and better every year? makes me wanna go hiking with the cool air or jump in a giant pile of orange leaves. who wants to rake em up for me?:)