what is it you're searching for?

jake is definitely one of those people that you hang out with and talk to regularly and know pretty little about. up until tonight i felt like he was just this profound mystery that i would just never figure out. he came over about eight and we ended up watching almost the entire game 2 of the world series (way to be white sox!) and complete with ria, there were snacks, constructive conversations, and moments of laughter. it felt good to just get to know him and while watching baseball. definitely something that has been missing from our friendship. the time brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face. and i dont think he thinks i'm that weird anymore. so thats good.

after the game, i started reading while jake and ria figured out things for new hope. i was actually reading for history 101, but we're covering religions now so the assigned readings were excerpts from daniel, exodus, matthew, and leviticus to name a few. to be honest with myself, its the first time i've actually read scripture in a while. and man was it good. it just made me realize more than ever before that the Lord just has all these awesome and powerful things that he wants to reveal to me and that i'm too darn stubborn to just shut up and be still and give him 5 minutes of my day and that no matter how much i turn away and beat my head against a brick wall, he's just gonna pursue me and work for me and use whatever means he can to get through to me, even that history 101 book i depise so much. or the picture from art history last semester. that is just faithfulness beyond my comprehension.

among these amazing revelations though, my heart is just heavy from this need to just separate myself from people and situations that i just dont understand. i just dont understand.

i'd like to share all the revelations from my readings tonight but i was suppose to go to bed about 4 hours ago, so just...ummmm, ask me later if you're interested. yeah night.