i'm weighted down with love.

a couple of quick headlines for the day...

first of all. the apartment was redecorated.
slightly.
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secondly we had a tea party.
with brooke and maggie.
delightful.















and last but not least.
i love this girl.

educational genocide.

to think about the future kinda freaks me out. but sometimes i cant help but wonder will i ever get married? will i be able to survive the cold if i move up north? will i ever see my friends again after college? but the aspect of my future life i probably ponder over the most is my future career. will i get to graduation day, change my mind, and let all of the biology and education stuff become pointless? all that tutition money a waste? granted, i know a person can get a degree (generally just a piece of paper for all that hard work) and not spend the rest of their life in that particular field - i've seen it first hand. but i feel peaceful, calm, and confident in the faith that God hasnt brought me this far and through this much for it all to be meaningless. He truly has blessed me with the fact that in some way i've always known what i've wanted to do (mainly teaching...the biology part just in the past few years)

but more importantly, if i do become a teacher, in whichever high school i end up in, will i enjoy it? will i be able to carry my Christian views and values into the classroom, while still "following" district rules? and will i be able to relate to my students and eventually earn their respect? i understand the teacher-student relationship (and i hope my students will as well), but i also hope that my kids will be able to come to me with questions, concerns, and general problems. i mean i've always thought that teaching is an excellent means of witnessing, and while i want to educate students, i also pray that i will be able to spread the Gospel.

i guess, in a lot of ways, my biggest fears are that i'll let the other stuff (teacher meetings, parent conferences, administrative problems, lunch duty, bus duty) get in the way of my passion for teaching and how much the students learn. and that i'll end up in a classroom where i'm scared of the kids - in those critical areas where there is violence and abuse, and where respect is hard to find. i mean, i would like to be able to control my classroom. but despite this fear, i'm beginning to see what a challenge it would be to teach in a high risk school that consists mainly of various minorities (racial, financial, educational, etc.) - and that more than anything...they need good teachers too!! just as much, if not more, than any other wealthy or middle class high school student. basically, i read this article in the latest creative loafing called "educational genocide" and it just gave a bunch of numbers and facts about the charlotte county school system and its just really got me thinking. how the school district board memebers are just basically sending all the first year, inexperienced teachers to these minority filled schools, and before you know it, they're all leaving. all the really good teachers, the ones that have had the practice and know what they are doing, are opting to go for the good schools. you know, the ones with above average ratings. the ones that get all the budget money. but how the school board is covering this up is they've been putting money into the high risk schools thinking that if we make the buildings look nicer and more state of the art, then the students will learn more despite the fact that we dont really care about them and the teachers they have really dont know what they are doing. granted, first year teachers need experience wherever they can get it. but my point is, the board members dont care to start with.

i really dont know what my point is. i just started ranting there. i guess, i just have these really big expectations of what my profession will end up being. and while i know nothing is perfect, i WILL have rough and challenging days - i hope and pray that whether i've been teaching for one year or fifty...i'll absolutely love it. thats all i ask. anyways, definitely read the article if you get a chance. there are copies all around campus.

anything to pass the time.

so i found this on jared's site
and since i'm a sucker for stupid questionaires
and filler outer things...
i just had to. couldnt resist.

by the way...
i dont really like the number four
so this isn’t going to be very conventional.

four jobs you have had in your life: someone who sits on babies, movie theater concessions (never good enough for the ticket selling), dust sweeper and a general laborer for a cement company (thought to be the death of me), shoe seller extraordinaire

four movies you could watch over and over: empire records, say anything, almost famous, willy wonka (the original), garden state, ferris bueller

four places you've lived: summerville (i moved fifty feet once into our new house) and rock hill (dorms)

four tv shows you love to watch: 30 minute meals (rachel ray is a freak), cnn morning news, greys anatomy (when i get a chance), gilmore girls

four places you've been on vacation: texas (big), pennsylvania (amish country haha) and new york (saw times square for about 15 minutes), london, scotland (edinburgh)

four websites you visit daily: winthrop email, facebook, my blog, sometimes the history 102 yahoo group (but it generally makes me sad)

four of your favorite foods: bread (basically all kinds), good potato soup (aka paneras), ice cream, cheese pie (or cheesecake if you prefer politically correct…wait, geneally all pies, not just the ones with cheese), frosted flakes

four places you'd rather be right now: heaven, my house in summerville with my family, hanging out with kristin or maggie, yemen or new zealand (whichever is closer)

four bloggers you are tagging: i dont believe in that

the best part about the city: getting there.

ever wonder why
when you finally do come across
a patch of green grass,
you dont feel like you're
in the city anymore?

an afternoon in downtown charlotte
normally would have fascinated, or at least
interested me...
but today, everyone
(with their business suits and briefcases)
looked bored to me.
the coolest thing just happened to be
a couple of skateboarding kids
doing tricks in a gated concrete space
behind the bank of america corporate center.
they dont know it yet
but they made my day.

things just arent the same anymore.

i'm semi in denial about the upcoming semester.
not so much denial...
its crazy thinking that i'll do fine.
i guess i should get use to that feeling by now.
kurt vonnegut is a genius.
and hilarious at that.
i wish i could read more by him.
my hair is so much better now.
i like the way i think it looks
when its blowing in the wind.
rebekah is an offical roommate.
her presence is greatly enjoyed by all.
i miss friends like maggie and stephen.
they should be found and given great hugs.
i love hugs by the way.
to me, raking leaves is simply inhumane.
ranking up there just under slavery and abortion.
ok, maybe not that extreme,
but i assume you get my point.
all i can think is...those poor leaves.
being moved and mulched unwillingly.
to the rakers of america: what did they ever do to you?

do you ever feel you're just too much?

enter jenny lewis and the watson twins.

so apparently jenny doesnt have the heart to tell me shes doing solo projects now aside from the usual rilo kiley! well, so much for that friendship.

i'll be fine with my hands get warm.

currently listening to the dashboard confessional
which is something i havent done
in the longest of long times.
so please excuse the emo-ness. thank you.

so this is kind of a follow up blog for the one i posted about a week ago. remember...the one about me liking the things i like and me liking the way i like them. yeah, i didnt really understand it then either. but i've picked back up in the book i was reading at the beginning of the semester. captivating by john and stasi eldredge. and funny enough, theres this whole section kind of about why we like the things that we do. its such a great book and so easy, as a becoming-a-woman, to relate to.

so a major theme of the book is the idea that Jesus is our bridegroom. He is our lover. someone who wants to be intimate with us, the real us, not the us we think we are supposed to be. and like they say in the book, He knows what takes my breath away. basically he knows how to romance me. "God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion" ok, so it sounds kind of cheesy...at least to me it does. but when i really started thinking about it...it makes perfect sense! He knows i love leaves (just as an example) He knows how they warm my heart and bring me joy, and He helps me to notice them on my way back from the library when i think i'll never get through the semester. way to be God. and He knows my favorite hymn (come thou fount of every blessing) and He uses that one at the best moments, moments when i'm really hurting and when i can really hear/sing/understand the words. simply, those things, the things that i like so much, the things that bring joy to my heart and create peace in my life, are God's ways of romancing me in a way no earthly guy could do.


For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn (until you shimmer),
her salvation like a blazing torch.
The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory (your beauty);
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand (the crown of creation),
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her),
and your land Beulah (married),
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
As a young man marries a maiden (he pursues her, romances her)...
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride (you are lovely),
so will your God rejoice over you.
-Isaiah 62:1-5, emphasis added)


The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of spirit of despair.
-Isaiah 61:1-3