educational genocide.

to think about the future kinda freaks me out. but sometimes i cant help but wonder will i ever get married? will i be able to survive the cold if i move up north? will i ever see my friends again after college? but the aspect of my future life i probably ponder over the most is my future career. will i get to graduation day, change my mind, and let all of the biology and education stuff become pointless? all that tutition money a waste? granted, i know a person can get a degree (generally just a piece of paper for all that hard work) and not spend the rest of their life in that particular field - i've seen it first hand. but i feel peaceful, calm, and confident in the faith that God hasnt brought me this far and through this much for it all to be meaningless. He truly has blessed me with the fact that in some way i've always known what i've wanted to do (mainly teaching...the biology part just in the past few years)

but more importantly, if i do become a teacher, in whichever high school i end up in, will i enjoy it? will i be able to carry my Christian views and values into the classroom, while still "following" district rules? and will i be able to relate to my students and eventually earn their respect? i understand the teacher-student relationship (and i hope my students will as well), but i also hope that my kids will be able to come to me with questions, concerns, and general problems. i mean i've always thought that teaching is an excellent means of witnessing, and while i want to educate students, i also pray that i will be able to spread the Gospel.

i guess, in a lot of ways, my biggest fears are that i'll let the other stuff (teacher meetings, parent conferences, administrative problems, lunch duty, bus duty) get in the way of my passion for teaching and how much the students learn. and that i'll end up in a classroom where i'm scared of the kids - in those critical areas where there is violence and abuse, and where respect is hard to find. i mean, i would like to be able to control my classroom. but despite this fear, i'm beginning to see what a challenge it would be to teach in a high risk school that consists mainly of various minorities (racial, financial, educational, etc.) - and that more than anything...they need good teachers too!! just as much, if not more, than any other wealthy or middle class high school student. basically, i read this article in the latest creative loafing called "educational genocide" and it just gave a bunch of numbers and facts about the charlotte county school system and its just really got me thinking. how the school district board memebers are just basically sending all the first year, inexperienced teachers to these minority filled schools, and before you know it, they're all leaving. all the really good teachers, the ones that have had the practice and know what they are doing, are opting to go for the good schools. you know, the ones with above average ratings. the ones that get all the budget money. but how the school board is covering this up is they've been putting money into the high risk schools thinking that if we make the buildings look nicer and more state of the art, then the students will learn more despite the fact that we dont really care about them and the teachers they have really dont know what they are doing. granted, first year teachers need experience wherever they can get it. but my point is, the board members dont care to start with.

i really dont know what my point is. i just started ranting there. i guess, i just have these really big expectations of what my profession will end up being. and while i know nothing is perfect, i WILL have rough and challenging days - i hope and pray that whether i've been teaching for one year or fifty...i'll absolutely love it. thats all i ask. anyways, definitely read the article if you get a chance. there are copies all around campus.