another step in the right direction.

i'm sitting in my slightly comfy chair. listening to a light tapping noise coming from the living room that my bedroom door has yet to block out. and frantically trying to upload music onto my computer so as to drown out said tapping. i'm not sure why noises like that, small annoyances that others seem to naturally ignore, bother me so freaking much. its impossible for me to simply block it out.

so this is what being twenty one feels like.

jared asked me - in some words or less - if i felt like my age. i responded by saying that sometimes i feel like i should feel older. you know, with student teaching and being employed. balancing checkbooks and deciding future plans. but i think that i will probably always feel like i'm still twelve years old. scared to death and clueless about life. but then again - and this is something that i've realized in the recent weeks - is it somewhat nice and comforting to know that i do not have to have it all figured out right now, right here. granted i am not left with complete peace and calm. trust in God and his plans for where he wants to lead me is hard to hold onto and sometimes hard to find. but like familiar furniture in a dark room, i know its still there. i'm guessing thats the nice and comforting part.

my birthday weekend was absolutely amazing
thanks to those that made it what it was.
(i'm sure you are aware of who you are)
and pretty much all of your friends combined
couldnt hold a candle to just one of mine.