as a side note...
i received my internship assignment for the fall.
i'm going to be teaching at york comprehensive high school
alongside susie ferguson
who i'm hoping to contact soon in order to introduce myself.
its a bit of a drive, but i'm actually getting excited about it all
so i really dont mind.
also,
my mouth surgery is july 16th,
aka the day after i get back from our family vacation,
which means i can fully enjoy boston.
so thats a plus.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
when it rains it pours.
i went to the dentist today for a cleaning.
and they proceeded to tell me
that i need four wisdom teeth removed.
well, at least some of them are wisdom teeth.
see, i'm the kind of person that has always had extraordinary teeth. and by extraordinary i dont mean cool. i mean abnormal. so for perhaps the third time in my life, a dental hygenist presented my mouth x-ray to me and my dentist and said "wow, i've never seen that before. ever." apparently what appears to be a wisdom tooth is actually my third molar. and while "normal people have three molars," mine came in weird and is now impacted like a wisdom tooth would be. during this whole exchange between the hygenist, the dentist, and myself i desperately wanted to say "bite me." but i figured that would probably be inappropriate.
at this point i must get back to
cleaning my room (a giant pigsty),
watching the office,
and gearing up for card night at my grandmother's,
along with my aunt and cousin.
i'm gonna smoke em.
and they proceeded to tell me
that i need four wisdom teeth removed.
well, at least some of them are wisdom teeth.
see, i'm the kind of person that has always had extraordinary teeth. and by extraordinary i dont mean cool. i mean abnormal. so for perhaps the third time in my life, a dental hygenist presented my mouth x-ray to me and my dentist and said "wow, i've never seen that before. ever." apparently what appears to be a wisdom tooth is actually my third molar. and while "normal people have three molars," mine came in weird and is now impacted like a wisdom tooth would be. during this whole exchange between the hygenist, the dentist, and myself i desperately wanted to say "bite me." but i figured that would probably be inappropriate.
at this point i must get back to
cleaning my room (a giant pigsty),
watching the office,
and gearing up for card night at my grandmother's,
along with my aunt and cousin.
i'm gonna smoke em.
Friday, June 22, 2007
now that its june we'll sleep out in the garden.
So it has been a while eh? It seems as though I’ve actually been thinking about writing in this blog for the last week more than I’ve actually written in it. Shame. True shame. But now here I am. Finally making it a point to write something down. And upon noticing how long its been since I’ve written, I realize I have quite a lot to cover. Well lets get started.
First of all, I finished my senior year of college. Yes, normally that would mean graduation and graduation money and looking for apartments and jobs and moving out of my parents house. Not this gal. no sir-ee (not really sure how that expression is spelled). Instead, for me, it means living at home for the summer and gearing up for my student teaching internship in the fall. and that whole living at home thing is why it has taken me so long to write something here. See, the computer complete with the internet access resides in my brothers room. And funny enough, he doesn’t really appreciate me hanging out in there all the time. So when I do get a few minutes of “online” time, as the kids call it, I spend it checking email, visiting face book (my one of many guilty pleasures), and searching for music that I wished I could call my own. Sadly I am not all made of money and gas takes the part of me that is. And plus, for those few minutes that I am actually on the computer, I can hear him. My brother. In the background, mumbling to himself things like “this is my room you know” and “I wish you would leave” and “I wanna use the computer too” like he hasn’t been home all day with absolutely nothing to do. Quite a sore subject for me. My apologies.
Back to my internship in the fall and the deep fear that has taken root in me. And when I say deep, I’m talking deep here people. Like extreme panic. It started soon after school ended. Around the time that I registered for the teacher certification test (better known as the praxis dos). Yep, if I had to pinpoint a specific time, that would be it. I recently finished a book by the late, and very great, Kurt Vonnegut entitled Galapagos (yes, like the islands). And in it he kept talking about all these characters that did and thought such crazy, absurd things because their big brains told them to. Things that they would normally never think or do but because of their big brains, their thoughts and actions seemed completely normal. Well that’s exactly what happened to me. My big brain took over. And I began thinking, really making lists, of all the things that I could be besides be a teacher. Besides what I have paid others to train me to be for the past four years. Yes, I have had extreme test anxiety. I cried at least three times during the course of my organic chemistry class. But this was intense. I was contemplating turning around and ruining it all. Not really contemplating but imagining what it would be like. To drop out of school now. Become a photographer or a chef. A baker! I’ve always wanted to open my own bakery. Live an unexpected, free-spirited life. At that point, I realize now, I had completely and utterly freaked myself out. And it wasn’t just because of the test. Though that played a big part. While it has been a habit of me to freak out over a test and then do reasonably well on it, I am sadly afraid that I don’t think that will be the case in this circumstance. Usually there is this part of me that secretly whispers “you’ll be fine. You did fine.” and while normally that part is about the size of a midget, this time its reminds me of tinkerbell in hook (what a good movie). There’s not much confidence. But I have already excepted the fact that I’m ok to graduate (which I am - I just needed to actually take it) and when I raise the 200 bucks again, I’ll just take it over.
But like I said, the test was only part of it. The other (major) part was me being scared. That I wouldn’t be a good teacher. that I wouldn’t enjoy being a teacher. That I would have wasted my college career on a profession that made me miserable and disappointed. AND THEN IT HIT ME! A small voice deep inside (I’m guessing Jesus) said plainly to me while I was inserting the office season two dvd into the player. “you want to be a teacher, you’re just scared.” and I knew. Granted I already knew I was scared, but now I knew that I really did want to be a teacher. And that fear and that big brain of mine thinking stupid thoughts was normal. That it was ok for me to be in a state of panic. See, here’s the thing…a little secret about me. I’ve always been sure. Sure, I’m not old. I haven’t had many life experiences. But I knew I wanted to come to Winthrop. I knew I wanted to be a teacher (since middle school) and I knew I wanted to teach biology since my senior year of hs. There really hasn’t been that much doubtful thinking or second guessing since I’ve made those decisions. At least not until now. I talked last weekend with Jessie about this. Man that girl. Love her. And she made me see something really important. She said that me freaking about this. Really thinking about it and getting scared and wanting to do well just showed that it is what I want. Otherwise, I wouldn’t care. And well, at this point, that’s good enough for me. And plus, as an added bonus…who’s to say that I can’t still open a bakery or a coffeehouse or a great combo where I can hand my freelance photography projects on the walls for customers to admire and buy? Who’s to honestly say that I should limit myself to one profession, one location, one lifestyle? Who’s to say I can’t have it all?
Now on to recent - or semi recent - events. Well, I went to Chicago. Bought a plane ticket with my tax return money and flew for the first by myself (second time ever) to the windy city to visit Ria. That was one of the best weeks ever. I got to see and stay at her and her sister Rebecca’s apartment in Naperville, Il which is actually closer to Chicago than where her parents live, so we got to go downtown twice. Practically walked Chicago over. Went to the field museum and saw a bunch of dinosaurs. Hung out in millennium park and took pictures by the bean. Walked to navy pier, rode the ferris wheel, and had great Chicago pizza. Counted the number of Starbucks in a general 15 blocks. At least 15. Yes, I know. An average of one per block. No joke. Those northerners love their coffee just as much as I do. We got along great. We also watched Gilmore girls, hung out at Starbucks, saw shrek three, went to a chocolate lounge (what I imagine heaven to be like), visited Starbucks, had 12 dollar martinis at this ridiculously expensive restaurant, made smores, and did I mention spent a little time at Starbucks? I couldn’t have asked for more. And even if I wasn’t able to do all the fun and relaxing and exciting things that I did, I was really glad I got to see her. Where she lives and will be living. Where she might work and go to grad school and the life that she will carry on without me. So that when I think of ria and what shes doing, I at least know what her apartment looks like and where the Starbucks is located from where she will get her coffee in the mornings. Or any other time of day for that matter, knowing ria. I already miss her. But I just know that I’ll miss her even more in august when I move in and she wont be there. Granted, I am going to living with some amazingly cool chicks next semester. But it will take a lot longer than 5 months for me to become as comfortable with them as I was with ria. Ria is a part of my family. Not by blood, but by experience. Three years is a long time to live with someone. To see someone as they always are and always will be. And to be completely honest, it took me almost that long to realize how much I really love her. And that she is my sister. To see pass those things that will inevitably drive you crazy about the person you live with despite how much you care about them or what you’ve been through and really be completely, totally, and utterly comfortable with them. And I am comfortable with ria. You know what the best part about living with her was? Just coming home from work or class and chatting with her. Not about serious things all the time, but just chatting. About the day and the events of life and so on and so on. Just chatting. And it didn’t matter if I was a dork or we had enormous amounts of work to get done. We would just chat. Yeah, that would be the best thing. That and watching gilmore girls together. Love that show. Anyways, I can kinda understand how I might could sound a little like a lesbian at the moment. But the truth is, I’ve always thought that I knew what a best friend was or that I knew who my best friend at the particular time was with no doubt. But I think I’ve realized that I finally have one. A true best friend. And well, I have to say, that’s a pretty good feeling.
Also recently…I visited rock hill for the weekend. There was a missing you dearly show Friday night and it was a good halfway point thru the summer to visit everyone. Because it seems like everyone except me and ria stayed in rock hill this summer. So I went and had an amazing weekend. And figured out that I actually like rock hill. Well, not rock hill itself. But I love the people there and I really like charlotte. Theres still a lot left of the city that I havent discovered. And me and maggie FINALLY got to check out noda! Seriously, we have been waiting two and a half years for that. So as an understatement…we were excited. Got to check out a charlotte knights game with mel, and even though they lost, there was still a fireworks show afterwards. And a pretty good show at that. Always gotta love fireworks. Anyways, it kind of occurred to me that while I’ve hated rock hill for the last four years, it really isn’t all that bad. And it has now become a potential residing spot for myself next year when I move out on my own. Well at least a teaching spot. Somewhere in my brain I assume that it will be somewhat easier to find a job in rock hill since I’ll be doing my internship there and I have some slight connections with Winthrop. But I would definitely rather live in charlotte than in rock hill. I love the church I go to and the people that will be at least in the general vicinity and I know my way around pretty well. So that’s just an idea for the future until I can save up money for grad school and really hit the road. But at this point, who knows in what direction that road will be pointed.
And now for the currentlys…currently listening to bright eyes - letting off the happiness. The only cd I have by bright eyes, which I would like to remedy soon. But I’ve been through that dilemma already. Sure, its somewhat depressing music. Okay, very depressing. But I kinda like his goat voice.
Currently reading the heart is a lonely hunter by carson mccullers and the bell jar by Sylvia plath. The bell jar is a reread (thanks to ria). And with only three chapters under my belt, I’m definitely not surprised as to why it is one of my personal favorites. Okay…so its even more depressing than bright eyes. But man, is it funny. Sylvia was hilarious. And utterly cynical. Severely bitter. And it all reminds me of myself. Still not sure if that’s a good thing or not. But she makes me laugh. Not sylvia herself, because well she committed suicide, but her writing. The way she makes fun of stupid young girls who only care about the mink coats and makeup kits (the book is set in the early 50s) or the way she views chemistry and physics (“the day I went into physics class it was death”). and although I’m not completely sure if the bell jar is completely autobiographical, I’d like to believe it is. And so I’d also like to believe that Sylvia loved botany as much as her character esther. Although I myself hate plants. The heart is a lonely hunter is a first timer, even though it is part of the book collection purchased last summer and is just now being read.
Currently working out at the Y a lot. I joined with my mom. My workout song is definitely get ready like a hot machete (gotta love jonezetta). it’s the perfect speed for the elliptical (sp?) machine. And while I still eat my chocolate cake, I feel somewhat better knowing that I previously burned 500 calories while sweating my life away. For real…the cardio room is ridiculously hot. I could hang out in there sitting on my butt and drinking lemonade with my own personal fan and still manage to burn 75 calories through sweating alone.
Currently watching a lot of tv. And when I say a lot, I do not over exaggerate although it is one of my favorite past times. My mom has tivo so I’ve set up season passes for Gilmore girls and scrubs. Gilmore girls only comes on once a day so I get one good episode which I’ve already seen before and then no more girls. BUT SCRUBS…OH MAN! I have discovered a hidden treasure. A true gem. That show is brilliant and hilarious and idiotic but downright funny. I like to lay on the couch when I watch it cause when I laugh really hard at the show, which I inevitably do, I kinda snort a little and that makes me laugh harder. All around a good time. But maybe just for me. Still, the show comes on six times a day on comedy central alone. Then once every night on fox and wgn. So that like 4 hours of scrubs every day my friend. And let me tell you…I’m addicted. I actually think i need some help in that area. I’ll get back to you on my progress. But don’t get your hopes up too much. I’m just not that motivated.
p.s. don’t worry office fans…its still my very favorite. Zach braff is cute, but definitely no jim.
p.p.s. check out all the newly added pics on the left under the links title!
First of all, I finished my senior year of college. Yes, normally that would mean graduation and graduation money and looking for apartments and jobs and moving out of my parents house. Not this gal. no sir-ee (not really sure how that expression is spelled). Instead, for me, it means living at home for the summer and gearing up for my student teaching internship in the fall. and that whole living at home thing is why it has taken me so long to write something here. See, the computer complete with the internet access resides in my brothers room. And funny enough, he doesn’t really appreciate me hanging out in there all the time. So when I do get a few minutes of “online” time, as the kids call it, I spend it checking email, visiting face book (my one of many guilty pleasures), and searching for music that I wished I could call my own. Sadly I am not all made of money and gas takes the part of me that is. And plus, for those few minutes that I am actually on the computer, I can hear him. My brother. In the background, mumbling to himself things like “this is my room you know” and “I wish you would leave” and “I wanna use the computer too” like he hasn’t been home all day with absolutely nothing to do. Quite a sore subject for me. My apologies.
Back to my internship in the fall and the deep fear that has taken root in me. And when I say deep, I’m talking deep here people. Like extreme panic. It started soon after school ended. Around the time that I registered for the teacher certification test (better known as the praxis dos). Yep, if I had to pinpoint a specific time, that would be it. I recently finished a book by the late, and very great, Kurt Vonnegut entitled Galapagos (yes, like the islands). And in it he kept talking about all these characters that did and thought such crazy, absurd things because their big brains told them to. Things that they would normally never think or do but because of their big brains, their thoughts and actions seemed completely normal. Well that’s exactly what happened to me. My big brain took over. And I began thinking, really making lists, of all the things that I could be besides be a teacher. Besides what I have paid others to train me to be for the past four years. Yes, I have had extreme test anxiety. I cried at least three times during the course of my organic chemistry class. But this was intense. I was contemplating turning around and ruining it all. Not really contemplating but imagining what it would be like. To drop out of school now. Become a photographer or a chef. A baker! I’ve always wanted to open my own bakery. Live an unexpected, free-spirited life. At that point, I realize now, I had completely and utterly freaked myself out. And it wasn’t just because of the test. Though that played a big part. While it has been a habit of me to freak out over a test and then do reasonably well on it, I am sadly afraid that I don’t think that will be the case in this circumstance. Usually there is this part of me that secretly whispers “you’ll be fine. You did fine.” and while normally that part is about the size of a midget, this time its reminds me of tinkerbell in hook (what a good movie). There’s not much confidence. But I have already excepted the fact that I’m ok to graduate (which I am - I just needed to actually take it) and when I raise the 200 bucks again, I’ll just take it over.
But like I said, the test was only part of it. The other (major) part was me being scared. That I wouldn’t be a good teacher. that I wouldn’t enjoy being a teacher. That I would have wasted my college career on a profession that made me miserable and disappointed. AND THEN IT HIT ME! A small voice deep inside (I’m guessing Jesus) said plainly to me while I was inserting the office season two dvd into the player. “you want to be a teacher, you’re just scared.” and I knew. Granted I already knew I was scared, but now I knew that I really did want to be a teacher. And that fear and that big brain of mine thinking stupid thoughts was normal. That it was ok for me to be in a state of panic. See, here’s the thing…a little secret about me. I’ve always been sure. Sure, I’m not old. I haven’t had many life experiences. But I knew I wanted to come to Winthrop. I knew I wanted to be a teacher (since middle school) and I knew I wanted to teach biology since my senior year of hs. There really hasn’t been that much doubtful thinking or second guessing since I’ve made those decisions. At least not until now. I talked last weekend with Jessie about this. Man that girl. Love her. And she made me see something really important. She said that me freaking about this. Really thinking about it and getting scared and wanting to do well just showed that it is what I want. Otherwise, I wouldn’t care. And well, at this point, that’s good enough for me. And plus, as an added bonus…who’s to say that I can’t still open a bakery or a coffeehouse or a great combo where I can hand my freelance photography projects on the walls for customers to admire and buy? Who’s to honestly say that I should limit myself to one profession, one location, one lifestyle? Who’s to say I can’t have it all?
Now on to recent - or semi recent - events. Well, I went to Chicago. Bought a plane ticket with my tax return money and flew for the first by myself (second time ever) to the windy city to visit Ria. That was one of the best weeks ever. I got to see and stay at her and her sister Rebecca’s apartment in Naperville, Il which is actually closer to Chicago than where her parents live, so we got to go downtown twice. Practically walked Chicago over. Went to the field museum and saw a bunch of dinosaurs. Hung out in millennium park and took pictures by the bean. Walked to navy pier, rode the ferris wheel, and had great Chicago pizza. Counted the number of Starbucks in a general 15 blocks. At least 15. Yes, I know. An average of one per block. No joke. Those northerners love their coffee just as much as I do. We got along great. We also watched Gilmore girls, hung out at Starbucks, saw shrek three, went to a chocolate lounge (what I imagine heaven to be like), visited Starbucks, had 12 dollar martinis at this ridiculously expensive restaurant, made smores, and did I mention spent a little time at Starbucks? I couldn’t have asked for more. And even if I wasn’t able to do all the fun and relaxing and exciting things that I did, I was really glad I got to see her. Where she lives and will be living. Where she might work and go to grad school and the life that she will carry on without me. So that when I think of ria and what shes doing, I at least know what her apartment looks like and where the Starbucks is located from where she will get her coffee in the mornings. Or any other time of day for that matter, knowing ria. I already miss her. But I just know that I’ll miss her even more in august when I move in and she wont be there. Granted, I am going to living with some amazingly cool chicks next semester. But it will take a lot longer than 5 months for me to become as comfortable with them as I was with ria. Ria is a part of my family. Not by blood, but by experience. Three years is a long time to live with someone. To see someone as they always are and always will be. And to be completely honest, it took me almost that long to realize how much I really love her. And that she is my sister. To see pass those things that will inevitably drive you crazy about the person you live with despite how much you care about them or what you’ve been through and really be completely, totally, and utterly comfortable with them. And I am comfortable with ria. You know what the best part about living with her was? Just coming home from work or class and chatting with her. Not about serious things all the time, but just chatting. About the day and the events of life and so on and so on. Just chatting. And it didn’t matter if I was a dork or we had enormous amounts of work to get done. We would just chat. Yeah, that would be the best thing. That and watching gilmore girls together. Love that show. Anyways, I can kinda understand how I might could sound a little like a lesbian at the moment. But the truth is, I’ve always thought that I knew what a best friend was or that I knew who my best friend at the particular time was with no doubt. But I think I’ve realized that I finally have one. A true best friend. And well, I have to say, that’s a pretty good feeling.
Also recently…I visited rock hill for the weekend. There was a missing you dearly show Friday night and it was a good halfway point thru the summer to visit everyone. Because it seems like everyone except me and ria stayed in rock hill this summer. So I went and had an amazing weekend. And figured out that I actually like rock hill. Well, not rock hill itself. But I love the people there and I really like charlotte. Theres still a lot left of the city that I havent discovered. And me and maggie FINALLY got to check out noda! Seriously, we have been waiting two and a half years for that. So as an understatement…we were excited. Got to check out a charlotte knights game with mel, and even though they lost, there was still a fireworks show afterwards. And a pretty good show at that. Always gotta love fireworks. Anyways, it kind of occurred to me that while I’ve hated rock hill for the last four years, it really isn’t all that bad. And it has now become a potential residing spot for myself next year when I move out on my own. Well at least a teaching spot. Somewhere in my brain I assume that it will be somewhat easier to find a job in rock hill since I’ll be doing my internship there and I have some slight connections with Winthrop. But I would definitely rather live in charlotte than in rock hill. I love the church I go to and the people that will be at least in the general vicinity and I know my way around pretty well. So that’s just an idea for the future until I can save up money for grad school and really hit the road. But at this point, who knows in what direction that road will be pointed.
And now for the currentlys…currently listening to bright eyes - letting off the happiness. The only cd I have by bright eyes, which I would like to remedy soon. But I’ve been through that dilemma already. Sure, its somewhat depressing music. Okay, very depressing. But I kinda like his goat voice.
Currently reading the heart is a lonely hunter by carson mccullers and the bell jar by Sylvia plath. The bell jar is a reread (thanks to ria). And with only three chapters under my belt, I’m definitely not surprised as to why it is one of my personal favorites. Okay…so its even more depressing than bright eyes. But man, is it funny. Sylvia was hilarious. And utterly cynical. Severely bitter. And it all reminds me of myself. Still not sure if that’s a good thing or not. But she makes me laugh. Not sylvia herself, because well she committed suicide, but her writing. The way she makes fun of stupid young girls who only care about the mink coats and makeup kits (the book is set in the early 50s) or the way she views chemistry and physics (“the day I went into physics class it was death”). and although I’m not completely sure if the bell jar is completely autobiographical, I’d like to believe it is. And so I’d also like to believe that Sylvia loved botany as much as her character esther. Although I myself hate plants. The heart is a lonely hunter is a first timer, even though it is part of the book collection purchased last summer and is just now being read.
Currently working out at the Y a lot. I joined with my mom. My workout song is definitely get ready like a hot machete (gotta love jonezetta). it’s the perfect speed for the elliptical (sp?) machine. And while I still eat my chocolate cake, I feel somewhat better knowing that I previously burned 500 calories while sweating my life away. For real…the cardio room is ridiculously hot. I could hang out in there sitting on my butt and drinking lemonade with my own personal fan and still manage to burn 75 calories through sweating alone.
Currently watching a lot of tv. And when I say a lot, I do not over exaggerate although it is one of my favorite past times. My mom has tivo so I’ve set up season passes for Gilmore girls and scrubs. Gilmore girls only comes on once a day so I get one good episode which I’ve already seen before and then no more girls. BUT SCRUBS…OH MAN! I have discovered a hidden treasure. A true gem. That show is brilliant and hilarious and idiotic but downright funny. I like to lay on the couch when I watch it cause when I laugh really hard at the show, which I inevitably do, I kinda snort a little and that makes me laugh harder. All around a good time. But maybe just for me. Still, the show comes on six times a day on comedy central alone. Then once every night on fox and wgn. So that like 4 hours of scrubs every day my friend. And let me tell you…I’m addicted. I actually think i need some help in that area. I’ll get back to you on my progress. But don’t get your hopes up too much. I’m just not that motivated.
p.s. don’t worry office fans…its still my very favorite. Zach braff is cute, but definitely no jim.
p.p.s. check out all the newly added pics on the left under the links title!
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