today i'm ok with my job. but ask me again tomorrow.

currently: eating tacos in my office
while a student makes up a test at the desk across from me.

i'm a teacher.
did you know that?

i started about 3 weeks ago. totally unexpected plan for my spring semester. i had actually been applying at a number of doctor's offices in charleston. but the position became available. the previous biology and anatomy teacher had left to pursue a career in forensic science. so my aunt let me know (she works at the district office) and told me to consider it. thats the hardest decision i had to make in a long time. probably ever. i just remembered my internship. how hard it was, how i was on myself, and how much my confidence was shattered in the end. how happy i was to be done. i didnt want to put myself through 4 more months of that hell again. but then it hit it me. it was a perfect position at the perfect time. and while i had made me own plans, it was clear that they were not a part of Gods. these were his plans. so in the end and after many tears and freak outs and panic attacks, i decided to just suck it up and deal with the fact that i was going to be a teacher.

now here i am three weeks later and i'm still alive. they havent killed me yet. i havent killed myself yet. all good news i must say. things have been a little rough. last week was hard. but i think it is honestly getting better. the students were use to not doing much so they complain when i make them work, and they were use to pretty much doing whatever they want, so controlling their behavior has been a daily struggle. but i'm working on them. and i'm working on myself. to grow stronger. have more confidence. not back down when they try to test me. and its gradual but i can see it happening. basically i'm becoming more and more pissed off at them but i can still be nice when i want to be. and even though it sounds harsh and mean, it really is the attitude that you have to have when you're working with high school kids. cause they are mean, disrespectful little punks too. ya gotta give them a taste of their own medicine.

but still things are good. i feel like a crazy person most of the time. and basically i'm running around this place like a chicken with my head cut off from 6:45 to 3:15 (i have 6 classes and they are all in a different room). i'm forgetting everything. the first two weeks i marked all of my tardy students as excused (have asked anyone about that yet). but i'm learning too and i know it will all get easier and better eventually. whenever eventually may be.

on an additional side note. i'm actually enjoying living at home. i always like hanging out with my family, watching tv at night, going out to dinner. so i get to do all of those things which i've missed while in rock hill. dont get me wrong, i still miss friends and such. but what i'm saying is, it isnt as bad as i thought it would be.