Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
today i'm ok with my job. but ask me again tomorrow.
while a student makes up a test at the desk across from me.
i'm a teacher.
did you know that?
i started about 3 weeks ago. totally unexpected plan for my spring semester. i had actually been applying at a number of doctor's offices in charleston. but the position became available. the previous biology and anatomy teacher had left to pursue a career in forensic science. so my aunt let me know (she works at the district office) and told me to consider it. thats the hardest decision i had to make in a long time. probably ever. i just remembered my internship. how hard it was, how i was on myself, and how much my confidence was shattered in the end. how happy i was to be done. i didnt want to put myself through 4 more months of that hell again. but then it hit it me. it was a perfect position at the perfect time. and while i had made me own plans, it was clear that they were not a part of Gods. these were his plans. so in the end and after many tears and freak outs and panic attacks, i decided to just suck it up and deal with the fact that i was going to be a teacher.
now here i am three weeks later and i'm still alive. they havent killed me yet. i havent killed myself yet. all good news i must say. things have been a little rough. last week was hard. but i think it is honestly getting better. the students were use to not doing much so they complain when i make them work, and they were use to pretty much doing whatever they want, so controlling their behavior has been a daily struggle. but i'm working on them. and i'm working on myself. to grow stronger. have more confidence. not back down when they try to test me. and its gradual but i can see it happening. basically i'm becoming more and more pissed off at them but i can still be nice when i want to be. and even though it sounds harsh and mean, it really is the attitude that you have to have when you're working with high school kids. cause they are mean, disrespectful little punks too. ya gotta give them a taste of their own medicine.
but still things are good. i feel like a crazy person most of the time. and basically i'm running around this place like a chicken with my head cut off from 6:45 to 3:15 (i have 6 classes and they are all in a different room). i'm forgetting everything. the first two weeks i marked all of my tardy students as excused (have asked anyone about that yet). but i'm learning too and i know it will all get easier and better eventually. whenever eventually may be.
on an additional side note. i'm actually enjoying living at home. i always like hanging out with my family, watching tv at night, going out to dinner. so i get to do all of those things which i've missed while in rock hill. dont get me wrong, i still miss friends and such. but what i'm saying is, it isnt as bad as i thought it would be.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
something i dont quite understand.
but this is one of the few thats been coming up in conversation lately.
just a few general questions that i have.
none directed towards anyone in particular.
and the questions are not meant to be bitter or accusatory.
they're just questions...
so there has been a lot of controversy surrounding the movie and books the golden compass lately. i for one have never read the books or seen movie, although i would like to. the debate is that apparently many in the Christian community are saying that kids at the end of the book series destroy God. well, that just seems like a ridiculous idea. cause if you dont believe in God, how could you destroy someone that doesnt exist. and if you do believe in God, do you honestly think that He could be destroy by little kids? but that is not my main question. the funny thing is, people that i know that have read the books and have seen the movie have actually said that the theme of God destroying is not revealed in either. and that if you were to read or watch either without having this prior knowledge, you would never know. now, thats not to say that the author is not a hardcore atheist, or that he isnt out to destroy the Christian community one childrens book at a time. when it comes to that...i have no idea.
however, my main question for everyone is this: how can we protest a movie centered around a "rumored" impossible idea because our fellow Christians say they think its wrong when we can allow ourselves to watch movies that, for example, are centered around a crazy psycho man walking through texas with a silenced shotgun killing about 16 people all because of money? now that just seems ludicrous. and its what i just dont understand.
Friday, December 14, 2007
a question to ponder.
that a person's thoughts and actions
are directly related to their
outward uncleanliness and impurity?
and...
how to become clean again?
p.s another question to discuss...
who thinks i have a good chance
of tripping at graduation?
o bless me Lord
and make me righteous too
awaken what you have for me in you.
Friday, December 07, 2007
who knew i could actually update my blog? oh my.
so let me catch you up...
it was my original intention to graduate, live here, work wherever i could for the spring semester, start teaching in the fall in some really great school in the rock hill/fort mill area. that turned into finally accepting the fact that moving back home once i graduate is a far more practical idea than struggling to make ends meet here on my own. and my aunt had convinced me that going straight from my internship to a teaching position with full benefits and pay would be the best decision so i was planning to start applying with the surrounding districts in mid-october. then i got to mid-october. realized that maybe i dont want to teach right away or at all in the near future and unconsciously decided to procrastinate on that whole applying for a job thing. so now here i am...approximately one week away from graduating with a bachelors degree in biology and secondary education and planning to move back home with no real prospect of a job in the future and no money to sustain my addictions to things such as starbucks and music. (man i need to learn how to budget.) and while my expectations are low in the moving home department, deep down i know it is the best decision for me now. not just financially but also emotionally. cause if i havent learned anything else in my last week of relaxation and leisure, i've realized this...if i'm not going to winthrop, there is nothing for me here. not that there is much for me in summerville, but it is time for a slight change. and it isnt that i dont love the friends - new and old - that i have here. its just that they're all still holding on to their ties and mine have let me go.
so i'm leaving at the end of the month.
praying for a job to come soon. at this point i'm applying for jobs relating to the medical field. pretty much anything i can get my hands on that is full time and offers some sort of benefits. i've applied for jobs like a medical records clerk or research assistant or lab assistant or operating room secretary or medical transcriptionist. i mean, with a degree in biology i should be able to find something, right!! the problem is with medical lab techs, which would be perfect right now, you have to have a certification and experience, which i dont, and most people are looking to hire a permanent employee, while i'm hoping to be out of summerville in 6-8 months. who knows where i'm going to be after that. just anywhere but there.
in the meantime (between now and a job at home) i'm celebrating christmas, decorating, running errands like picking up medallions for my graduation cap or changing where my mail goes once i'm gone, applying for insurance -which is really confusing, organizing and packing, wrapping gifts, working, reading for pleasure, and everything else that i can get my hands on that needs to be taken care of before i leave this place that i've called my home for the past 4 and a half years. pretty saddening.
hopefully i can post more than once every 5 years,
but in case i dont...merry christmas and happy new year!
p.s. do check the teacher blog cause i plan to post several times in the near future regarding the thought processes that have occurred over the course of the past semester. especially that whole "i love teaching thing" becoming the whole "maybe i should rethink this thing." oh, the anticipation!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
get cape. wear cape. fly.
(i go for the first time on monday!)
at fort mill high school,
i wanted to start officially contributing
to my other blog...
http://themeterologist.blogspot.com/
please feel free to jump over there
and read about my life as a student teacher.
a lot of it will be educationally related info,
but i will also provide plenty of random thoughts
on the whole interning experience.
plus, isnt it fun to hear about me freaking out all the time?
Friday, August 10, 2007
our new apartment!
welcome to the new apartment of me, carl, elizabeth, and sara!
thats our chore list up top.
as you can see i'm trash.
and elizabeth does not have to rake.
do not be confused...it is a broom.
our kitchen. we have a stove!
i've already cooked several meals for myself,
and i have a feeling that i will actually start paying more attention
to the ingredients when i watch the food network.
our living room.
a loveseat and a couch!
and a massive movie collection...
and its just mine and carlee's stuff so far.
i am
A
for awesome.
welcome to my room.
books...and my bed.
its actually made now.
quite the unlikely story.
window overlooking the street below.
we're on the 3rd floor.
shame the street below is kinda sketch.
our HUGE bathroom
and the rubber duckies!
and thats our new place of residence!
this was mainly for ria to see since
everyone else in the area
has already seen it
or will very soon.
more at the photos link.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
the beantown update.
wisdom teefs are officially out.
not all four, cause that turned out to be a little more expensive than my mom anticipated, but still the bottom two. things are a little sore right now. eating lots of yogurt, mashed potatoes, applesauce, pudding, and grits. its a good thing i like all of those foods, or i would starve. the painkillers are serious sleep machines so i stopped taking those after the second day cause basically i slept the first away. but at least i'm getting plenty of rest. at this point, i dont have pain but i have this horrible, disgusting taste in my mouth all the time. i bothered the doctors office enough that they scheduled me to come in and have it looked at this afternoon. ha ha. i win again.
the trip to boston was amazing! i honestly and truly loved the city. even my mom said she was impressed with it. the sites were really great, the little apartment areas were so cute, and the people were no where near as rude as i thought they were going to be. i took lots of pictures that are now available on flickr, so check em out.
the whole trip went something like this...
we started out last sunday morning around 8 and drove I-95 pretty much the whole way there. got stuck in some major traffic crossing through new york over the george washington bridge, but got to see some of the nyc skyline across the water. after dinner, we stopped and stayed in maryland for the night. monday we got up and drove to providence, ri and walked around a little. it was after 5 before we got there, so the city was pretty dead, but it was nice. a very clean, historical, quiet city.
we finally made it to the boston area, and ended up staying in a hotel in norwood (which was quite a task considering most hotels were full). tuesday we went downtown boston and walked the freedom trail. the trail is a 3 mile walk through the northern part of the city that stops at 16 historical sites along the way. basically, its a really great self-guided and free tour of the city that starts in boston common, takes you through the markets and little italy and up into charlestown where the naval yard and the bunker hill monument are. most of the trail consists of red bricks which makes it easy to follow, but in areas where red bricks couldnt be placed, red paint was used.
the boston common and the public garden (pictured below) were really beautiful and i got to see the park were the bench from good will hunting is located (you know the part were matt damon and robin williams are chatting). also we saw the pub that inspired the show cheers.
wednesday, we went downtown again and while my family hung out in copley square, i took the subway to the museum of fine arts and wandered around for a couple of hours. they had a lot of great stuff, such as monet or renoir. plus, a lot of contemporary art and photography which was really cool. afterwards, i joined back up with the fam and we headed down to walk around fenway park. we couldnt go to a game (no tickets available) but we did see the stadium.
thursday morning, me and mom took the subway back downtown to walk around boston university, where i've considered maybe getting my masters someday. the university was a lot more spread out than i had imagined but still really nice and very clean. plus, the people (everywhere in boston actually) were really nice and helpful. which was not what i had expected to be completely honest. after lunch on thursday, we headed out to plymouth, ma and cape cod. we didnt drive down the whole cape cause it was longer than we had anticipated, but we did see some beaches and the mayflower II.
that night we started to head home and ended up staying the night in scranton, pa. friday morning we drove around the electric city for a few minutes and i got to see the steamtown mall. oh my, if only jim really was there.
now, since i've been back, i'm just been laying around mostly because of the whole wisdom teeth thing. me and my mom painted my room a lovely shade of sea foam green that i personally adore. take a look for yourself.
and now i'm just trying to figure out a great time to go see harry potter before i have to start back to work tomorrow and waiting until saturday when the new book comes out, which i have already pre-ordered. oh harry! you better not die on me!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
ridiculous.
apparently jim halpert loves ben gibbard and pedro
just as much as i do.
he flew down to nc to hang out with ben and david
while they are on their tour.
here are some pics i found...
and guess where they are standing...
the one and only cat's cradle in carrboro, nc.
and i've been there!
why couldnt they have been there when i was there?
or why couldnt i have gotten tickets to that show?
now, that is just ridiculous.
well, i'm sort of outraged by all that.
but i will meet ben one day.
just you wait.
boston trip blog will be along sortly.
pictures even sooner than that.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
the fourth: so much for global warming.
so this is a wee bit late...
happy fourth of july to everyone and america.
and happy birthday to rique.
thank goodness he has a birthday
i can actually remember.
last night me and my family went a free fireworks showing in summerville. the show itself wasnt bad, but the really entertainment was my family. i'm telling you, they are all nuts. first, my mom, about halfway through the show, made the comment "so much for global warming...i'm sure al gore would not be impressed." i almost died. then my brother, who somewhat got a headache because of the noice and began to cheer for the firework finale. in his mind the firework show would obviously end with a burst of red, white, and blue (you know, the nations colors and all) and so to speed up the process, he began to chant "come on red white and blue, come on red white and blue." man, i love that kid. oh good times with the fam.
soon, as in sunday,
we leave for boston!
for a week of vacationing and relaxing
and freedom trail walking.
as you can tell,
i'm excited.
Friday, June 29, 2007
plural p.s.
i received my internship assignment for the fall.
i'm going to be teaching at york comprehensive high school
alongside susie ferguson
who i'm hoping to contact soon in order to introduce myself.
its a bit of a drive, but i'm actually getting excited about it all
so i really dont mind.
also,
my mouth surgery is july 16th,
aka the day after i get back from our family vacation,
which means i can fully enjoy boston.
so thats a plus.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
when it rains it pours.
and they proceeded to tell me
that i need four wisdom teeth removed.
well, at least some of them are wisdom teeth.
see, i'm the kind of person that has always had extraordinary teeth. and by extraordinary i dont mean cool. i mean abnormal. so for perhaps the third time in my life, a dental hygenist presented my mouth x-ray to me and my dentist and said "wow, i've never seen that before. ever." apparently what appears to be a wisdom tooth is actually my third molar. and while "normal people have three molars," mine came in weird and is now impacted like a wisdom tooth would be. during this whole exchange between the hygenist, the dentist, and myself i desperately wanted to say "bite me." but i figured that would probably be inappropriate.
at this point i must get back to
cleaning my room (a giant pigsty),
watching the office,
and gearing up for card night at my grandmother's,
along with my aunt and cousin.
i'm gonna smoke em.
Friday, June 22, 2007
now that its june we'll sleep out in the garden.
First of all, I finished my senior year of college. Yes, normally that would mean graduation and graduation money and looking for apartments and jobs and moving out of my parents house. Not this gal. no sir-ee (not really sure how that expression is spelled). Instead, for me, it means living at home for the summer and gearing up for my student teaching internship in the fall. and that whole living at home thing is why it has taken me so long to write something here. See, the computer complete with the internet access resides in my brothers room. And funny enough, he doesn’t really appreciate me hanging out in there all the time. So when I do get a few minutes of “online” time, as the kids call it, I spend it checking email, visiting face book (my one of many guilty pleasures), and searching for music that I wished I could call my own. Sadly I am not all made of money and gas takes the part of me that is. And plus, for those few minutes that I am actually on the computer, I can hear him. My brother. In the background, mumbling to himself things like “this is my room you know” and “I wish you would leave” and “I wanna use the computer too” like he hasn’t been home all day with absolutely nothing to do. Quite a sore subject for me. My apologies.
Back to my internship in the fall and the deep fear that has taken root in me. And when I say deep, I’m talking deep here people. Like extreme panic. It started soon after school ended. Around the time that I registered for the teacher certification test (better known as the praxis dos). Yep, if I had to pinpoint a specific time, that would be it. I recently finished a book by the late, and very great, Kurt Vonnegut entitled Galapagos (yes, like the islands). And in it he kept talking about all these characters that did and thought such crazy, absurd things because their big brains told them to. Things that they would normally never think or do but because of their big brains, their thoughts and actions seemed completely normal. Well that’s exactly what happened to me. My big brain took over. And I began thinking, really making lists, of all the things that I could be besides be a teacher. Besides what I have paid others to train me to be for the past four years. Yes, I have had extreme test anxiety. I cried at least three times during the course of my organic chemistry class. But this was intense. I was contemplating turning around and ruining it all. Not really contemplating but imagining what it would be like. To drop out of school now. Become a photographer or a chef. A baker! I’ve always wanted to open my own bakery. Live an unexpected, free-spirited life. At that point, I realize now, I had completely and utterly freaked myself out. And it wasn’t just because of the test. Though that played a big part. While it has been a habit of me to freak out over a test and then do reasonably well on it, I am sadly afraid that I don’t think that will be the case in this circumstance. Usually there is this part of me that secretly whispers “you’ll be fine. You did fine.” and while normally that part is about the size of a midget, this time its reminds me of tinkerbell in hook (what a good movie). There’s not much confidence. But I have already excepted the fact that I’m ok to graduate (which I am - I just needed to actually take it) and when I raise the 200 bucks again, I’ll just take it over.
But like I said, the test was only part of it. The other (major) part was me being scared. That I wouldn’t be a good teacher. that I wouldn’t enjoy being a teacher. That I would have wasted my college career on a profession that made me miserable and disappointed. AND THEN IT HIT ME! A small voice deep inside (I’m guessing Jesus) said plainly to me while I was inserting the office season two dvd into the player. “you want to be a teacher, you’re just scared.” and I knew. Granted I already knew I was scared, but now I knew that I really did want to be a teacher. And that fear and that big brain of mine thinking stupid thoughts was normal. That it was ok for me to be in a state of panic. See, here’s the thing…a little secret about me. I’ve always been sure. Sure, I’m not old. I haven’t had many life experiences. But I knew I wanted to come to Winthrop. I knew I wanted to be a teacher (since middle school) and I knew I wanted to teach biology since my senior year of hs. There really hasn’t been that much doubtful thinking or second guessing since I’ve made those decisions. At least not until now. I talked last weekend with Jessie about this. Man that girl. Love her. And she made me see something really important. She said that me freaking about this. Really thinking about it and getting scared and wanting to do well just showed that it is what I want. Otherwise, I wouldn’t care. And well, at this point, that’s good enough for me. And plus, as an added bonus…who’s to say that I can’t still open a bakery or a coffeehouse or a great combo where I can hand my freelance photography projects on the walls for customers to admire and buy? Who’s to honestly say that I should limit myself to one profession, one location, one lifestyle? Who’s to say I can’t have it all?
Now on to recent - or semi recent - events. Well, I went to Chicago. Bought a plane ticket with my tax return money and flew for the first by myself (second time ever) to the windy city to visit Ria. That was one of the best weeks ever. I got to see and stay at her and her sister Rebecca’s apartment in Naperville, Il which is actually closer to Chicago than where her parents live, so we got to go downtown twice. Practically walked Chicago over. Went to the field museum and saw a bunch of dinosaurs. Hung out in millennium park and took pictures by the bean. Walked to navy pier, rode the ferris wheel, and had great Chicago pizza. Counted the number of Starbucks in a general 15 blocks. At least 15. Yes, I know. An average of one per block. No joke. Those northerners love their coffee just as much as I do. We got along great. We also watched Gilmore girls, hung out at Starbucks, saw shrek three, went to a chocolate lounge (what I imagine heaven to be like), visited Starbucks, had 12 dollar martinis at this ridiculously expensive restaurant, made smores, and did I mention spent a little time at Starbucks? I couldn’t have asked for more. And even if I wasn’t able to do all the fun and relaxing and exciting things that I did, I was really glad I got to see her. Where she lives and will be living. Where she might work and go to grad school and the life that she will carry on without me. So that when I think of ria and what shes doing, I at least know what her apartment looks like and where the Starbucks is located from where she will get her coffee in the mornings. Or any other time of day for that matter, knowing ria. I already miss her. But I just know that I’ll miss her even more in august when I move in and she wont be there. Granted, I am going to living with some amazingly cool chicks next semester. But it will take a lot longer than 5 months for me to become as comfortable with them as I was with ria. Ria is a part of my family. Not by blood, but by experience. Three years is a long time to live with someone. To see someone as they always are and always will be. And to be completely honest, it took me almost that long to realize how much I really love her. And that she is my sister. To see pass those things that will inevitably drive you crazy about the person you live with despite how much you care about them or what you’ve been through and really be completely, totally, and utterly comfortable with them. And I am comfortable with ria. You know what the best part about living with her was? Just coming home from work or class and chatting with her. Not about serious things all the time, but just chatting. About the day and the events of life and so on and so on. Just chatting. And it didn’t matter if I was a dork or we had enormous amounts of work to get done. We would just chat. Yeah, that would be the best thing. That and watching gilmore girls together. Love that show. Anyways, I can kinda understand how I might could sound a little like a lesbian at the moment. But the truth is, I’ve always thought that I knew what a best friend was or that I knew who my best friend at the particular time was with no doubt. But I think I’ve realized that I finally have one. A true best friend. And well, I have to say, that’s a pretty good feeling.
Also recently…I visited rock hill for the weekend. There was a missing you dearly show Friday night and it was a good halfway point thru the summer to visit everyone. Because it seems like everyone except me and ria stayed in rock hill this summer. So I went and had an amazing weekend. And figured out that I actually like rock hill. Well, not rock hill itself. But I love the people there and I really like charlotte. Theres still a lot left of the city that I havent discovered. And me and maggie FINALLY got to check out noda! Seriously, we have been waiting two and a half years for that. So as an understatement…we were excited. Got to check out a charlotte knights game with mel, and even though they lost, there was still a fireworks show afterwards. And a pretty good show at that. Always gotta love fireworks. Anyways, it kind of occurred to me that while I’ve hated rock hill for the last four years, it really isn’t all that bad. And it has now become a potential residing spot for myself next year when I move out on my own. Well at least a teaching spot. Somewhere in my brain I assume that it will be somewhat easier to find a job in rock hill since I’ll be doing my internship there and I have some slight connections with Winthrop. But I would definitely rather live in charlotte than in rock hill. I love the church I go to and the people that will be at least in the general vicinity and I know my way around pretty well. So that’s just an idea for the future until I can save up money for grad school and really hit the road. But at this point, who knows in what direction that road will be pointed.
And now for the currentlys…currently listening to bright eyes - letting off the happiness. The only cd I have by bright eyes, which I would like to remedy soon. But I’ve been through that dilemma already. Sure, its somewhat depressing music. Okay, very depressing. But I kinda like his goat voice.
Currently reading the heart is a lonely hunter by carson mccullers and the bell jar by Sylvia plath. The bell jar is a reread (thanks to ria). And with only three chapters under my belt, I’m definitely not surprised as to why it is one of my personal favorites. Okay…so its even more depressing than bright eyes. But man, is it funny. Sylvia was hilarious. And utterly cynical. Severely bitter. And it all reminds me of myself. Still not sure if that’s a good thing or not. But she makes me laugh. Not sylvia herself, because well she committed suicide, but her writing. The way she makes fun of stupid young girls who only care about the mink coats and makeup kits (the book is set in the early 50s) or the way she views chemistry and physics (“the day I went into physics class it was death”). and although I’m not completely sure if the bell jar is completely autobiographical, I’d like to believe it is. And so I’d also like to believe that Sylvia loved botany as much as her character esther. Although I myself hate plants. The heart is a lonely hunter is a first timer, even though it is part of the book collection purchased last summer and is just now being read.
Currently working out at the Y a lot. I joined with my mom. My workout song is definitely get ready like a hot machete (gotta love jonezetta). it’s the perfect speed for the elliptical (sp?) machine. And while I still eat my chocolate cake, I feel somewhat better knowing that I previously burned 500 calories while sweating my life away. For real…the cardio room is ridiculously hot. I could hang out in there sitting on my butt and drinking lemonade with my own personal fan and still manage to burn 75 calories through sweating alone.
Currently watching a lot of tv. And when I say a lot, I do not over exaggerate although it is one of my favorite past times. My mom has tivo so I’ve set up season passes for Gilmore girls and scrubs. Gilmore girls only comes on once a day so I get one good episode which I’ve already seen before and then no more girls. BUT SCRUBS…OH MAN! I have discovered a hidden treasure. A true gem. That show is brilliant and hilarious and idiotic but downright funny. I like to lay on the couch when I watch it cause when I laugh really hard at the show, which I inevitably do, I kinda snort a little and that makes me laugh harder. All around a good time. But maybe just for me. Still, the show comes on six times a day on comedy central alone. Then once every night on fox and wgn. So that like 4 hours of scrubs every day my friend. And let me tell you…I’m addicted. I actually think i need some help in that area. I’ll get back to you on my progress. But don’t get your hopes up too much. I’m just not that motivated.
p.s. don’t worry office fans…its still my very favorite. Zach braff is cute, but definitely no jim.
p.p.s. check out all the newly added pics on the left under the links title!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
happy resurrection day friends!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
cats pajamas. bees knees.
maybe not my favorite songs of all time
but at least for the time being.
and i tried to narrow it down to 10 this time.
couldnt happen.
so heres the top 25. oh well.
make your own kind of music = cass elliot (my personal theme song)
hello, goodbye = the beatles
these days = nico
passenger seat = death cab for cutie
i remember = damien rice
hide and seek = imogen heap
warning sign = coldplay
star mile = joshua radin
i was meant for the stage = the decemberists
todays the day = aimee mann
starman = mates of state
brand new colony = the postal service
australia = the shins
she = green day
with arms outstretched = rilo kiley
the boy who blocked his own shot = brand new
a quite reflective thought = missing you dearly
rain = patty griffin
arizona = pedro the lion
tangerine = led zeppelin
harder now that its over = ryan adams
jefferson airplane = relient k
i'm a cuckoo = belle and sebastian
hold still = sleeping at last
popular mechanics for lovers = beulah
where i'm headed, you just dont know the way.
that the very person that i
in an almost literal sense
have come home to for approximately three years now
will
in less than three short months
no longer be there
when i return.
even when i attempt to sit down
and contemplate what exactly is going to happen next...
i'm pretty sure i have no idea.
i havent even got my feet wet yet
when it comes to understanding
how much everything will change.
there is a quick sadness that fills my heart.
i also find it surprisingly amusing that as soon as a sickness of any kind (now being a cold) sets into my body, a mild depression/anger also attacks me. i may eat strawberry cupcakes or watch school of rock to alleviate the pain, but the truth is my sadness is high. my energy/motivation lacking. my temper is short. my attitude thick. and my tolerance low. as a result i have upset my mom. there is no other disappointment like that.
in other vaguely uninteresting and uplifting news...
it occurred to me tonite that
the list of top ten songs i conjured up eons ago
(cited here: http://serenacorine.blogspot.com/2005/05/sunshinebeen-keeping-me-up-for-days.html)
is severely outdated
and in need of revamping.
a post containing the revised list will follow shortly.
be patient friends.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
who knows how words are formed.
as me and rique would say...
nobody saves jackbauer. jackbauer saves himself.
he lets himself be taken away
just so he can mess those people up.
he would even let AIDS into his body
just so he could make the cure and kill it.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
heaven breaks.
It always starts like this,
A harmless and simple thing to fix.
Contagious and spreading quick…
Like cracks in ice,
Wholly claiming our lives
While we sleep.
We’ll pray for Heaven’s floor to break,
Pour the brightest white on blackest space,
Come bleeding gloriously through
The clouds and the blue.
Forcing one place from two,
Killing formulaic views,
Only love proves to be the truth.
When heaven meets the earth,
We will have no use for numbers
To measure who are and what we’re worth.
When Heaven meets the earth,
We will have no need for mirrors
To tell us who to be
And where we fit into this awkward point of view.
When angels meet the earth, may our bodies be light.
When angels meet the earth, may our heavy hearts untie.
When angels meet the earth, may our bodies be light.
May our bodies be light for you.