my slumbering heart

and sometimes when you're on
you're really fucking on
and your friends they sing along and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fucking cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
and you'll be better you'll be smarter
more grown up and a better daughter or son
and a real good friend
and you'll be awake you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest you'll be brave
you'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy

your ship may be coming in
you're weak but not giving in
to the cries and the wails of the valley below
your ship may be coming in
you're weak but not giving in
and you'll fight it
you'll go out fighting all of them...

i guess i should say happy halloween.

what is this feeling? i know i shouldnt buy more cds from amazon.com and i wrestle with the idea of spending more money on random things that i will just eventually get bored with. then i ask myself what is stopping me? i havent even touched my birthday money yet. and so i click place order and immediately i feel bad for spending the money that i worked hard for. on things that make my heart warm. how come that makes absolutely no sense at all?

oh well, three new cds are on the way. i'm sure i'll enjoy.

with every broken heart we become more adventurous.

i always feel like i just have to update my blog after having anatomy lab with good ole marmaduke. of all the classes i've ever taken, it is by the far the most random ever. things like this just dont happen in ordinary classes. it kinda makes me happy to be a biology major. i feel like all those other majors out there (like english:) are just missing out on all the action.

today i got cat juice squirted on me and i spent the better part of two hours picking fat out of the abdomen region. we started looking at the digestive tract and i identified the greater omentum under the stomach by the fact that it looks like beef strognaoff (sp?) dr. cope cut marmaduke's brothers head in half and it kinda remind me of being at the dentist. then i heard the bones breaking and the juices squirting and it kinda remind me of vomiting.

p.s. its definitely cold out there. hmmm yeah.
p.p.s. i got my wallet back. BIG sigh.
p.p.p.s. i smell like dead people. come hang out with me.
p.p.p.p.s. i just saw the preview for harry potter and the goblet of fire and i almost had a seizure on the couch. tasha definitely thinks i'm crazy, but man i do love harry!

what is it you're searching for?

jake is definitely one of those people that you hang out with and talk to regularly and know pretty little about. up until tonight i felt like he was just this profound mystery that i would just never figure out. he came over about eight and we ended up watching almost the entire game 2 of the world series (way to be white sox!) and complete with ria, there were snacks, constructive conversations, and moments of laughter. it felt good to just get to know him and while watching baseball. definitely something that has been missing from our friendship. the time brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face. and i dont think he thinks i'm that weird anymore. so thats good.

after the game, i started reading while jake and ria figured out things for new hope. i was actually reading for history 101, but we're covering religions now so the assigned readings were excerpts from daniel, exodus, matthew, and leviticus to name a few. to be honest with myself, its the first time i've actually read scripture in a while. and man was it good. it just made me realize more than ever before that the Lord just has all these awesome and powerful things that he wants to reveal to me and that i'm too darn stubborn to just shut up and be still and give him 5 minutes of my day and that no matter how much i turn away and beat my head against a brick wall, he's just gonna pursue me and work for me and use whatever means he can to get through to me, even that history 101 book i depise so much. or the picture from art history last semester. that is just faithfulness beyond my comprehension.

among these amazing revelations though, my heart is just heavy from this need to just separate myself from people and situations that i just dont understand. i just dont understand.

i'd like to share all the revelations from my readings tonight but i was suppose to go to bed about 4 hours ago, so just...ummmm, ask me later if you're interested. yeah night.

and when i see you. i really see you upside down.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!

wood chips and old bricks, but whatever happened to the booklets?

i never
in all my life
thought that i would become
so dependent on course booklets.
and that their absence
would make me
this angry.
dang.

where did all my hair go?

something pretty random has been happening lately. (i say that like nothing random ever happens to me - weird) anyways i somehow found or was contacted by a friend from home. not from high school, but from my old job (at the movie theater - ewwww) so yeah, this guy - matt tuten would be his name - i never really knew him all that well cause we just saw each other at work and such and his weird space alien faces kinda always creeped me out. but i always thought he was funny. but anyways, we found each other again facebook style and now we send messages to each other which is cool cause i really like having contact with people outside of winthrop (not that my winthrop friends arent cool, but i need something a little different sometimes, you know to spice it up) so yeah, messages sent to each other about school and things we never knew we had in common. (man its taking me forever to get to my point) so i expressed to him my stressful week last week and mentioned my paper about varicose veins that i had to write for anatomy (i know, exciting stuff) and he wrote me a message back which just so happens to contain the quote of the day (which is the real point of this blog, i just felt like it needed an introduction)...

quote of the day by matt tuten:
"varicose veins are awesome, they are like the road map of life on a womens leg"

oh that tuten, what a joker. gets me every time.

excuse me while i kiss the sky.

a little early i know,
but petunia the pumpkin
would like to wish you a happy halloweenie!




















in other news...
got an 84 on my organic chemistry test (thats an A in that class)
and a 98 on my english midterm. those were nice surprises.
currently listening to the new straylight run ep.
and missing christopher aaron neece's face. and piercings.
and desperately desiring to go to a show sometime before i die.
other than that, just studying and wishing it was xmas break.
or at least the weekend. (yah for birthday fun!
*wink wink* you know who you are;)

another one of those...

i really hate the way i am sometimes. how emotional and bitter i can get about things. how those feelings completely change my actions towards people and how they inevitably cause me to treat people like crap when all i wanna do is be cool and hang out with them. this week had to be the roughest week of college so far. by far. i certainly had a few emotional breakdowns mixed with panic attacks this week (one of which was at home - yes i went home this week - so that was bad because its impossible to hold anything back with my mom and so good because the way she understands and makes everything better is truly amazing) and i know i certainly have no right to complain because i did make it through perfectly fine. everything got done and tests were passed (as far as i know) so nothing to worry about now. the burden has been lifted. but during...man, that was hard. and i just wanted to apologize to people, generally, for being a jerk, cause i dont have the guts to say it to their faces. to apologize for being hateful and rude and bitter. i hope all of you know me well enough to know that i dont mean it and i really love you.

i also love fall out boy and the way it makes me feel when i dance and sing to it. the definitely contributed to my second wind last night. yeah man. and those organic reactions on my room mirrors are killer. i cant really even see myself for all the Cs and Hs and little dots and arrows. i'm such a nerd. the room is still messy and i bought pumpkins to carve so those things will be taken care of this weekend. besides a flea market trip and a hair cut thats about it for my fall break. i'm gonna love every lazy second.

p.s. how is it possible that fall gets better and better every year? makes me wanna go hiking with the cool air or jump in a giant pile of orange leaves. who wants to rake em up for me?:)

maggie carnes says
that the way in which i write papers
is a sign of genius.
i say
that i would rather die
than be married, or even engaged
for that matter,
and still eating at dinkins.

i also say
that i wish God had made today
just a little bit gloomier.
with just a few more dark clouds.
and that
you wish i was being sarcastic.

plus
i would like to express the fact
that i am glad
that i can finally be gloomy
without all the unnecessary comments.

and no jared,
this isnt poetry.

how did i get here?

i'm not saying that i dont love car time. i see it as a good opportunity to listen to good music while i'm free to sing as loud as i want. but i just traveled 2 and a half hours (and the same amount going back tomorrow) on one of the busiest weeks of the semester, to spend five minutes at my orthrodontist appointment. he said "everything ok, retainers doing good?" i said "yep." he said "see ya in 3 months." i said "gas money, please?" yeah, that was pretty much the gist of it. except that last part, of course. i was just thinking out loud.

which poses a question that i asked rique the other night at rack room. what if all the thoughts you had in your head - like things you forgot or things you had to do or under the breath comments you make - that actually came out - you know, like when you cant understand someone and you say "huh?" and they say "oh, i was just thinking out loud." yeah, those thoughts/comments. what if when they are out loud, they are really out loud? like screaming em. you would never have to say "huh?" again or hear "oh, i was just thinking out loud" again. yeah, the other guy would be pretty embarassed, but you sure would have the upper hand.

anyways, i got prince of wales tea from world market today, so i guess that was well worth the trip here. got to be the best tea EVER. sad that i couldnt find anything else. there were lots of cool baskets, but since i'm not cleaning my room anymore, that seemed pointless. they have the best coffee mugs, and seeing as how my apartment is lacking in that department:) you'd think i'd get another one, but i decided against. and i want a little tea kettle more than anything, but not having a stove makes it a waste. so i just ended up settling with the prince of wales *sigh* story of my life.

wait a minute.

i also wanted to share a quick pic from my birthday lunch with friends and family. hopefully, in time, all pictures will be put somewhere, but until then...

check out these hot ladies!

sand is overrated. its just tiny little rocks.

for anyone that knows me, or has seen my room in the past, they could easily have classified me as a neat freak. someone that puts things away and cleans up and generally has order among their things. not anymore my friends. i'm working towards a less controlling, more unorganized cori. so far...success. even ria got wide eyed when she visited my door tonight. that means score in my book. my desk is hardly recognizable. laundry (clean, that is) is piled up by my feet. and textbooks line the floor. i'm only missing a dirty plate with moldy food stuck to it, and thats just cause we have an ant problem. why, you may ask, has this change occurred? its not that i dont wanna care anymore. but its kinda that i dont wanna care anymore. what difference will it make on my day if my room is clean and my laundry is put away? honestly guys. and those to-do lists, the ones i thought were helping me to get things accomplished. good bye to that for real. i use to write it all out on the mirror in my room. and every night as i laid down to sleep i would see it in the reflection and the idea of it all would haunt my dreams. no more no more. rather than help me, i'm beginning to realize that they just added to my stress that was already present from the original work. and then i would have things unmarked and they would just sit there, looming over my head. so i gave up. and honestly, things are better. i'm more productive and it just seems so much better when i sit down to do something and i'm like "i'm gonna get as much done as i can in this time and thats it" instead of placing this impossible goal in front of me. it just feels so much better. like breathing easier. and sorry to all of you who just read that. it was really just for my own personal benefit.

in other random daily news...
i made an A on my english 200 in class essay. um yeah. granted it is a freshmen course and i am a junior, but that was the first in class essay i have written since high school, and i wrote it on my birthday, which means the focus wasnt really there. but still, i got a "good ideas, well written" and in melanie terms, that means way to be cori.
i ran into cool friends on the sidewalk today. man, i love when that happens. especially with that stephen kid. i mean, that guy just oozes cool.
i revisited eternal sunshine and the spotless mind. and realized why i love it all over again.
while doing laundry today i came across several dish towels and bath towels that i noticed werent mine. i had already washed them but curiousity struck me and i just had to ask. got nos from ria and tasha, and jokingly i suggested it was melanie and wouldnt it be funny if she had randomly stuck her bra in there too. so just out of sheer humor i ask melanie today if she put those random towels in my clothes basket. thinking she would laugh in my face, i was surprised when she said yeah. turns out she didnt know who they belonged to, so into my basket they went. well thats all fine and dandy, but i think as a little payback i might stick a couple pairs of my underwear in her basket next week. ya know, add a little spice to her laundry day. hahaha. as jared would say...thats great (awkward silence)
speaking of jared...i was suppose to do secret mission with the guys, it being wednesday and all. but he called really late so thats probably best anyways. i'm not saying they wouldnt want me there, but itd be kinda weird. just being a girl and intruding on that "we're boys, lets make up a secret mission club and build a treehouse, no girls allowed" thing. plus i'd only be over there like 10 minutes and then i'd leave and that would seem kinda pointless. i should probably just resign knightriders name and just let her live on as this really cool chick in my mind. yeah.

currently:
reading captivating by john and stasi eldredge, man that thing is opening my eyes to all those little annoying habits of mine;
listening to one of my six new cds - gold=ryan adams, plans=death cab, glow=innocence mission, the ditty bops, from under the cork tree=fall out boy, and strange/beautiful=aqualung. its like a brand new cd collection in the course of a weekend, gotta love that;
feeling like there arent enough what if questions out there in the world. i think i might start a what if section on every update i post for the masses (rique and jared) to sit and ponder over.

by the way...i wanna cut my hair and dye it red again. any thoughts?

i will follow you into the dark.

a different quote for a different day...
"yemen is the way to calvary"

you can blame that one on melanie, death cab, and cinnamon toast crunch.

p.s. rias back. my heart is warm again.

a walking contradiction

the bird crap on my car window makes me sad.
funny how i keep forgetting to wipe it off.